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2017 Kicked My Ass

December 10, 2017

I am a planner. I set goals, I make lists, I plan ahead.... And this year taught me a few lessons.  It also kicked my plan to the curb... and then stomped all over it.

 

1. I did not reach 1 of my New Year's goals. NOT 1 SINGLE GOAL.... and there was about 14.

Not fun, right? I wrote my goals down, I put in the work- I visualized them happening and.... NOPE!

I was very focused on some very narrow goals, and not reaching them, opened up great things. I started saying "HEY! maybe, just maybe something else is supposed to happen here - and it did. I perhaps was so narrow in my goal setting that I did not see what was actually possible. Change was the constant this year. Make a goal, but allow yourself to reach and dream a bit.

Although being able to do a pistol squat has been on my goal list for a few years now... I am still working on that. Definitely before I am 40!!

 

2. Sometimes what seems like failure is actually opportunity. Around the fall sometime I starting thinking I was failing. I starting worrying; I stopped sleeping. I would wake up at 4 am and be stuck so far into my own anxiety that I couldn't move, or sleep. Lack of sleep made my brain stop working..... I had all the mental symptoms of a stroke (for real). Sleep deprivation is real and has some serious symptoms. I tried writing exams through this time, that equaled what I thought of as MORE failure.

 

I hear this all the time from clients- "I am failing at this". My great advice is: look at the big picture. Are you really? Is it failure or just what life looks like?

 

I forgot to do this. I did not take my own great advice. Sleep deprivation, broken brain and a downward spiral. I feel like I am on the other side now, and I can see things a bit more clearly. There was a REASON. It was opportunity. The "failure" was a delay, one I needed badly.  It stopped me from making a wrong choice. It led me to an opportunity of a lifetime. A job I had only imagined. If last year you told me I would be a paid hiking guide in 2018, it would have seemed pure fantasy. It did not even cross my mind to write this down or plan for it.  I wrote this blog about daring greatly and then failed an exam the VERY next day. My quote I commonly post was fitting. I was SO in the arena!! A great friend said... "Man, you will have a great story about perseverance, after you stop crying.... ok maybe next year."

 

When you think you are failing, step back. Perhaps there is a road meant for you, that you could not even see. Don't forget to dream big. Don't stay small. 

 

3. I suck at being patient. So 2017 made me wait. It was uncomfortable. I like things to happen now. I set up my life so I can "make it happen" and I usually do. I couldn't force things. It was out of my control. I had to wait, and study and believe it was possible. UNCOMFORTABLE. That word sums up most of my year. I was so far out of my comfort zone, it became my new normal. 

Back to school while working and being a mom- yup

Taking a Personal training course at age 38- YUP

Failing tests for the first time ever- YUP that too

Taking a spin class once then taking training to be an instructor- YUP

Waiting for exams, results, other people, contracts- YUP 

All seriously uncomfortable..... I fought the gremlins- "you are too old, it's not worth it. It's too hard to concentrate and be a mom, you can't do it, you will just keep failing"  Those voices can be loud, do it anyways.  Yes, they kept me up, those nasty voices, I lost sleep... and I did it anyways. Being uncomfortable is scary, but it is how growth happens. Those voices shut up when you answer with " I got this!"  They get louder when you believe them. 

 

4. Things feel hard for a reason.

I am just like you. I don't like hard. I like things to happen and feel easy.  Just like a weight loss journey, life should feel hard. It makes it worth it. It makes it worth fighting for. It makes you want it more and appreciate it when you get it.

 Like climbing a mountain. I take lots of friends hiking and NOT once has someone said. :That view is not worth the work." Remember that when life feels hard... You are close. You will make it and it will be worth it.

Just before my exam the other day my son said" Do you think you will pass this time mom?' my answer was "I have no idea, but if I fail, my plan is to just do it again and again and again until I pass" He said" today is your day mom- you got this"  I have kids watching. I teach them how to deal with failure and fear and self doubt. I hope what they learned this year is that they will fail in life and to get back up and try again.... and again and again and again.

 

Lucinda Watkins

- Newly certified as a Personal Trainer 

- Newly certified as a Spin Instructor (Not the oldest in Canada as my kids predicted.)

-Field Leader Hiking Guide- Coming Jan 2018

 

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